Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Todays Lesson: Retail Etiquette

I've worked in retail for quite some time now, in various stores with a variety of clientele, and even to this day, I am still appalled by the way people act while shopping. Even though I know none of you lovely ladies act like this, I am still going to give a quick lesson in retail etiquette.

Trashing The Store:
I understand that this is not your house, but it is my place of work.

-Do not let your child throw cheerios all over the floor and then leave them there.
-Do not tear apart that stack of neatly folded shirts after I just asked "Can I help you find a size?"
-Do not leave your water bottle on a random table because you don't want to find a trash can.
-Do not carry around a huge hand full of items and then decide you don't want them anymore and just put them somewhere in a huge pile.
I have to clean up the mess you are making, so please tread lightly.

Noise/Out Of Control Children:


-Do not let your child RUN wild through out the store. This is Nordstrom's/Pottery Barn/ect. NOT Chuck-E-Cheese.
-Do not ignore your child that is screaming bloody murder in your stroller, take it outside. You are ruining the atmosphere/shopping experience for other customers and giving me a headache.
-Do not have inappropriate cell phone conversations while in the store - yes, we can still hear every detail about your one night stand even though you are trying to hide behind that rack.

-And a somewhat related topic: why did you just bring your full sized dog to the mall? Do you really think Fido wants to go shopping at the mall or that other customers appreciate his slobber all over the place? I think Not.

This is not my dream job.

-Do not treat me like an idiot, I went to college, and this is not my career of choice.
-Do not abuse our great customer service. You are an asshole. Just because you know we will do whatever you want once you start raising your voice does NOT make it ok to return a handbag that is fully used, 7 years old, and disgusting just because you don't like it anymore.
-Do not get mad when I ask for your email address or follow you around the store asking you if you are "still doing okay?" or "do you have any questions?" That is my JOB, if I don't do it, and you are the secret shopper then I am effed.
-We have secret shoppers (see above). Corporate gives us a list of 10 steps we must complete with each customer varying from greeting to having them try a product on. Don't think I want to do this, don't think I enjoy being all car-salesmen-ish.
-We are not on commission, we just need to get 100% on our secret shopper score each month, hence why we try to give you the BEST customer service possible, even if it is annoying.

The Return Policy:
Read it and Weep

-I did not personally create the return policy. Neither did the cashier standing next to me.
-The return policy is proudly displayed at every register, and printed on your receipt - so no, I don't really care that you claim you had no idea of the return policy. And sorry, but really, are you trying to return something from last Christmas?

And finally, the most IMPORTANT lesson....

Hours of Operation:
Get the eff out!

-If a store closes at 8:00pm and you walk in at 7:57pm please leave. Don't even bother entering our store. Not only are we pissed at you, but we aren't going to try to go out of our way to help you. We have families/lives/dinner waiting at home, and sitting here watching you TEAR apart the clearance wall which we just straightened is not something we enjoy.
-Do you see how there are 3 associates in the store? It costs money/payroll to keep them there for every minute you meander around the store aimlessly with zero intent to buy anything- and when you do buy that $40 item, it doesn't even come close to making it worthwhile for all 3 of us to stay late because of you.
-When I turn the music off in the store TAKE THE HINT.
-When I lock the door with you inside the store and shake the door loudly/violently so you know it's locked TAKE THE HINT.
-When I am counting registers and banging the change in the drawer super loud TAKE THE HINT.
-I don't care that you are having a fun day of shopping, I just worked 9 hours on a Saturday and I am ready to get the eff out of this stupid store and go home.

So ladies, if you are ever shopping with someone who does any of these things, please set them straight, the retail associates will think highly of you and appreciate your kindness.



Steph said...

People suck when you work in customer service. Try waiting tables. I would have to guess, its probably worse. But everything you said here applies to that too.

The best part though is making fun of them when they leave.

lola said...

Lol, I like the part about "take the hint" :)

the future mrs Hinz said...

wow there are some ridiculous people out there!!! sorry you have to deal with that. what IS your ideal job by the way?

MrsB said...


Crazy Shenanigans said...

I completely agree with all of these. My job doesn't require a college degree but I have one. I wish people would just stop assuming that I dont!

Hang in there girl!

Annie said...

this is quite funny to me. i used to work in retail long ago, i have to agree with everything you said!
i hope you get your dream job some day hun! it will happen, i know it :)

Demara said...

I couldn't agree more!

jennster said...

LMFAO- of course people are assholes.. cause they know full well they AREN'T cleaning up after the mess they leave.. and they don't care. i never worked in retail.. wait, i don't think that's entirely true.. anyway, i'm super aware of what i do. i don't leave shit in dressing rooms strewn about. i hang everything up and bring it out with me. if i want another size, i'll hang the item up and get the new size myself. i try not to be a rude inconsiderate slob in stores- but i know i'm the exception and i'm amazing. LOL

Maryellen said...

People can be 100% rude sometimes.

Jodie said...

Oh my goodness, sounds like you had quite the day at work. So sorry you had to deal with such idiots (or one idiot.. not sure).

jen + ryan said...

bravo :)

Kristin said...

This needs to be published in all the major newspapers! People have NO manners.

Sarah Ann said...

AMEN! I worked in retail for one freaking month and couldn't STAND it in part because of the horrible customers. Never again will I work retail!

Lil' Woman said...

I used to hate that when I worked at a restuarant at the mall and people would come in 5 minutes from when we closed and ask for some super special order, so a-hole all that stuff is either in the trash or packed away in the fridge already.